Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he fucked my hip out of place.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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