Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
