peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
