I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
