Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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