I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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