my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
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While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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