dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
