i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
