So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
