All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
