the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
