I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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