I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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