some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
