literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
