I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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