i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
