ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
