About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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