Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
