my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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