My friends, they love my intelligence
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
