Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
