im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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