We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
