You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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