ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
