my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sobbing to NWA
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
