I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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