i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
