i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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