just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
