I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
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i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
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Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.