How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.