oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy