I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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