I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
