Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
