Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm like, not good at living.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
