I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
