Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
try to milk me bitch
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
