so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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