I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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