You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
