This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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