the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
