"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
