Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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