I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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