I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
