Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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