Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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