He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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