Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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