Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
