Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
