The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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