What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
