so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
